Do I ever blog about anything other than spiders?

Yesterday we spent the day at my parents’ house. My parents, very recently, got rid of a few of their children. One to marriage, two to missions, and one to college. With all the extra rooms, everyone moved out of the basement and upstairs. My mom made the basement into a guest’s quarters. Two bedrooms, a bath and a mini kitchen. The only problem is that they don’t have guests very often. Matt turned on the shower to get his hair wet so he could get it to work. Out of the faucet fell a huge spider. He tried to drown it, but it wasn’t working, it was too strong. The drain didn’t have a hole large enough for it to fit down anyway. I took matters into my own hands.

First I grabbed a bottle of Windex® and sprayed the sucker. It was still crawling around and that made me nervous so I grabbed the can of Clorox® and dumped it on it as it crawled around the drain. This guy was not giving up. With my last attempt I grabbed a bottle of hairspray. The spider was already slowing down with all the chemicals I had doused him with, but I sprayed the hairspray anyway. He stopped and just sat there.

You never know if a spider is really dead or not. They like to pretend and then they wait until you think they are dead to crawl away. Then they come back with a vengeance to get you. We were late for church, so I hoped it was dead. When we came back it was still in the same spot. It had all that time to get away. It was definitely dead. Then I remembered the way it started to slow in step as it was taking its last breaths which were probably filled with poisonous dust. I felt a tinge of guilt knowing that I had killed this poor little spider.

Then I remembered it was a big spider and I was glad it was dead.

Ghost House

Okay, so I’m pretty sure our apartment is haunted. Here is my reasoning.

When we first moved in I would hear the bathroom drawers open and shut when we were falling asleep. Sometimes I would hear the bathroom cupboards shutting too. I would make Matt go check to see what it was. There was never any sign of anything.

Last Tuesday I was taking a bath and I heard a kitchen cupboard close. I clean our house on Tuesdays, and I had just cleaned the kitchen. I have a small amount of OCD and I can’t leave a cupboard door open. Of course the cat on my shoulder was telling me that it was someone in my house. I called Matt to tell him I was scared. He said it was the people who live above us.

Sunday morning, while deciding if I should get out of bed or not, I heard something hit the floor in the kitchen. I told myself it was probably a rat. Rats are less scary than someone being in your house. When I got up, I did some investigating. Our mop was on the ground.

Yesterday while in the bathroom I heard dishes clinking around. I was determined to find out what it was. The rock on my shoulder convinced me that there were too many dishes in the sink and they fell. I jumped out of the bath and ran to the kitchen. There were two dishes in the sink. A bowl and a spoon.

You’re probably thinking It’s just the people above them. Well, I soon realized that we cannot hear ANYTHING that goes on except for walking. We never hear dishes or cupboards or babies crying or a television on. We only hear footsteps. It is very sound proof, with the exception of the feet hitting the floor.

Well, then It’s probably a rat. I have looked and looked for signs of a rat. There are no droppings, there aren’t any holes chewed through any bags, and how would a rat open a cupboard anyway?

Here’s the rest of the story. It turns out that the family above us used to have 5 children. They had a very adventurous daughter that would come into the basement and explore the catacombs. One day she got lost and she couldn’t find her way out. It was dark, but she could see a sliver of light shining down a hole. She tried climbing through it to get out and got stuck. Her spirit kept going and as she reached the light she noticed her body still stuck. She tried to get help, but it was no use. As the family searched the catacombs for her they never looked in that hole. The spirit never gave up trying to communicate with those around her. As the years passed the family eventually finished the basement. While excavating they found her body. They had a memorial service and went on with their lives. The spirit went back to its body one day to find a basement, and her body gone. Tormented by the separation of body and spirit, she continues to try and communicate with those around her, so that one day she can reunite with her body, and rest in peace.

That’s the best I got. If anyone else has a better theory, let me know.

The Attack

Today in my morning routine I took a bath. I was playing the impossible game of bubble breaker on my phone when the invasion hit. A close encounter. My head was just above the rim of the tub and my shoulders were resting on that rim. Inches from my elbow, crawling over the rim- a spider. I screamed as I pull my body to the wall, as far away as I can. As if the spider knew he had walked into the wrong room, it tried to turn around and leave. I remember it in slow motion. The spider’s back leg slips as it turns and it stumbles backward. I try to stand knowing it will tumble into my water. Down it falls and up I go, splashing water all over the place. My phone is probably ruined, but I can’t think about that now. I have to get away from the nasty dot that is swirling towards me. I finally rip the curtain open, and as the spider rides the waves closer to me I make the decision to jump out. Water is all over the bathroom, but I don’t care. I set the phone down not sure what action to take. How do I get it out? I glance at the toilet paper, but realize how silly that would be. I reach in and drain the bath water. Our plug is broken, so I have to hold it down the whole time. He isn’t curled into the little ball that he was before, in fact he’s swimming. His legs are out and paddling like crazy. I envision him crawling out of the water and charging me, so I splash him so he’ll drown. Apparently spiders can hold their breath. He reaches for the edge of the tub but can’t hold on. My eyes are glued to his actions. He struggles and struggles to reach the edge, but can’t keep hold of it. He rests in between tries and his rests lengthen in time. I think he is dead, but as he reaches the drain and swirls around, before his final dissent he makes one last attempt. The current pulls him down, too strong for his tired little body.

After drying the bathroom with a ShamWow® and searching every corner of the room, I crawl back into the tub to start the bath water once again. This time it isn’t the relaxing, soothing experience that it usually is. I keep peeking over the rim of the tub to make sure a spider isn’t crawling up the side.

I’m ruined.

The Ultrasound

Last week Matt and I went to our first doctor’s appointment. The verdict…It’s a Baby. The doctor called it a gummy bear. At that visit it was the size of a green olive, now it’s the size of a prune. It grows fast. We got to see its little heart beat. Last week it had a tail, now it has arms, elbows and legs, and it’s forming some knees and ankles. How amazing. Last week it looked like a salamander, now it looks somewhat human!

As hard as it is to form a little baby, I’m excited!

My First Heart Attack

So this morning I was getting ready to take a bath (my new favorite hobby) and I had a very normal interaction.
Cat: Make sure the front door is locked so no one comes in.
I locked all the doors and started the bath water.
Cat: Go turn on the lights. Scary things always happen in the dark.
Rock just rolled his eyes.
Rock: Keep the bathroom door open because there’s no fan.
Cat: Bad idea. Shut the door and lock it so no one can get in.
Rock: I thought that was why we locked the other doors.
I agree with Rock because I hate all the fog on the mirror and he’s right. There is no fan.
I open my book as I immerse in the warm water.
Rock: The air is cold, shut the curtain.
Cat: No! Then you won’t see them coming. You’ll scream too late.
Rock: Who is coming?
I shut the curtain to keep my arms warm.
When I’m finished I start to drain the water. This is the loudest noise in our whole house. I’m thinking about breakfast when the lights turn off in the bathroom.
Cat: I told you so.
Rock: says nothing but if he had a jaw, it would be hanging open.
They continue to bicker and I rip open the shower curtain, not sure what I’ll defend myself with.
Cat: No!
Too scared to think rationally I jump out of the shower. Matt is the only one with a key and he’s at work, in Midway. “Hello?” no one answers and Cat says: Why would they answer and give away their hiding spot. Rock then points out that my electrical toothbrush that usually has a little green light indicating that it’s charging, has no light.
I finally breathe out as I realize the power is out in the bathroom. I flash the lights to double check.
Phew.
Rock: You’re never right and never will be you stupid cat.

Shoulder Pals

I have these two different personalities that sit on opposite shoulders and whisper things to me and they are always at war. Most people have an Angel and a Devil, but that is not my problem. I have a cat on my left shoulder that nervously paces back and forth and cries at every noise. On my other shoulder sits a rock, stable and sturdy. My scaredy cat and reasonable rock are constantly fighting. Lucky for me, when Matt is home I can’t hear them as well, but every now and then I hear, Are the doors locked? Did you hear that? and Don’t worry, Matt’ll take care of it.

I get up, on average, two times a night to use the restroom. I don’t turn any lights on to save my retinas from burning and I leave all doors on the way open to keep an obstruction free return to bed. Scaredy Cat always says, What if someone runs at you with a knife? or What if someone is in the shower…with a knife? Then Reasonable Rock says, That’s crazy. How would they have gotten in? Why would they choose your house? You’re being ridiculous. Then Scaredy Cat says, What if there is a huge spider about to crawl on you? and Reasonable Rock says, They are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Cat: What if it’s a Hobo Spider.
Rock: Shut up you stupid cat.
Cat: You’ll be sorry when I’m right.
Rock: You’re never right, so how can you know that?
They are arguing so loudly that I’m totally awake now and when I crawl back into bed I can’t fall back asleep. Not that I could anyway because Cat says: Did you hear that? It was a rat.
Rock: It’s just an old house.
Cat: Old houses don’t make chewing and scampering noises. It’s a rat.
Rock: It’s Sara (lives above us) rocking her baby back to sleep.
Every night it’s the same story, sometimes only once but sometimes as many as three times a night, and if it’s not the rat then it’s a spider.
Cat: Did you feel that? It was a spider on your arm.
Rock: It’s just an itch.
Cat: Spider.
Rock: Arm hair brushing against the sheet.
Cat: Spider.

As if being pregnant isn’t hard enough, I can’t even get a good night’s sleep.

Mind Voyage

Don’t you love it when you have time to just think and your mind goes on a trail and you say to yourself, How did I get here? I love it. This morning when I woke up (for the final time, not the first time when Matt went to work.) I was still in bed and my mind went on a journey, one I will share.
I woke up and thought:
-I hate feeling sick. I wonder if I’ll feel like this the whole 9 months.
-Started thinking about my little raspberry growing and remembered my appointment on Tuesday.
-I don’t want to go to the Gynecologist(confession). Before I go I need to call Jefrilyn(my sister).
-I miss my sister and her cute family. I hate that they moved to Georgia.
-When Matt and I have enough money we’ll go to Georgia to visit, and for him to show me Mission stuff.
-Plane tickets are expensive.
-I heard Planes contribute to Free Radical Damage. We’ll take lots of Antioxidants before we go. People will probably think I’m crazy if I tell them that, but I learned about it at school.
-O2 is oxygen(we breath CO2), when it is just O it is a free radical and wreaks havoc in our body(CO is poisonous). Antioxidants link to these spare O molecules to keep them bound.
-I got the highest score in high school on the Chemistry final. Not a big deal you say, well there were a lot of smarty pants in that class. Made me feel smart.
-I love being told that I’m smart. My dad used to call me his smart cookie.
-I remember the first time I thought, I think I’m smarter than those other kids. I was in Kindergarten at Jim Bridger Elementary. A Room Helper(I think that’s the technical term) took me into a special room to read words on flash cards. I didn’t realize that at that age not all the kids could read. She started out with easy words like Cat and Log. I felt like a cheater because I didn’t sound out the words. I had memorized them. She got to harder words like That, and I felt like a bigger cheater because I memorized the TH and SH and didn’t sound those out either. I passed. We moved like a month later and I started school in Murray(I was in the highest reading group in first grade and got a hard back book, everyone else had soft).
-I only have three memories of Jim Bridger. The one I just told about reading, the halls, and my mean teacher. I’m not sure if she was mean all the time, but I only have one memory of her and she was mean. My desk was closest to the door and my back was to it. Ms. Taylor left the room and told us to be quiet. I was, but there were a lot of other kids talking. She came back in and was angry. She said, Everyone that was talking put your heads on your desk. EVERYONE put their heads down except me. I hadn’t been talking. She walked over and, from behind, shoved my head down. I don’t remember if I cried or not, but I remember wanting to.
My vague memory of the halls is that there were ramps. I hope someone can confirm that. I remember them slanting down then back up again. I was running to find David(my brother) and maybe that was a dream because it isn’t a real stable memory.
-How did I get here? Why am I thinking about this?
-Maybe I should get out of bed.