My First Heart Attack

So this morning I was getting ready to take a bath (my new favorite hobby) and I had a very normal interaction.
Cat: Make sure the front door is locked so no one comes in.
I locked all the doors and started the bath water.
Cat: Go turn on the lights. Scary things always happen in the dark.
Rock just rolled his eyes.
Rock: Keep the bathroom door open because there’s no fan.
Cat: Bad idea. Shut the door and lock it so no one can get in.
Rock: I thought that was why we locked the other doors.
I agree with Rock because I hate all the fog on the mirror and he’s right. There is no fan.
I open my book as I immerse in the warm water.
Rock: The air is cold, shut the curtain.
Cat: No! Then you won’t see them coming. You’ll scream too late.
Rock: Who is coming?
I shut the curtain to keep my arms warm.
When I’m finished I start to drain the water. This is the loudest noise in our whole house. I’m thinking about breakfast when the lights turn off in the bathroom.
Cat: I told you so.
Rock: says nothing but if he had a jaw, it would be hanging open.
They continue to bicker and I rip open the shower curtain, not sure what I’ll defend myself with.
Cat: No!
Too scared to think rationally I jump out of the shower. Matt is the only one with a key and he’s at work, in Midway. “Hello?” no one answers and Cat says: Why would they answer and give away their hiding spot. Rock then points out that my electrical toothbrush that usually has a little green light indicating that it’s charging, has no light.
I finally breathe out as I realize the power is out in the bathroom. I flash the lights to double check.
Phew.
Rock: You’re never right and never will be you stupid cat.

Shoulder Pals

I have these two different personalities that sit on opposite shoulders and whisper things to me and they are always at war. Most people have an Angel and a Devil, but that is not my problem. I have a cat on my left shoulder that nervously paces back and forth and cries at every noise. On my other shoulder sits a rock, stable and sturdy. My scaredy cat and reasonable rock are constantly fighting. Lucky for me, when Matt is home I can’t hear them as well, but every now and then I hear, Are the doors locked? Did you hear that? and Don’t worry, Matt’ll take care of it.

I get up, on average, two times a night to use the restroom. I don’t turn any lights on to save my retinas from burning and I leave all doors on the way open to keep an obstruction free return to bed. Scaredy Cat always says, What if someone runs at you with a knife? or What if someone is in the shower…with a knife? Then Reasonable Rock says, That’s crazy. How would they have gotten in? Why would they choose your house? You’re being ridiculous. Then Scaredy Cat says, What if there is a huge spider about to crawl on you? and Reasonable Rock says, They are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Cat: What if it’s a Hobo Spider.
Rock: Shut up you stupid cat.
Cat: You’ll be sorry when I’m right.
Rock: You’re never right, so how can you know that?
They are arguing so loudly that I’m totally awake now and when I crawl back into bed I can’t fall back asleep. Not that I could anyway because Cat says: Did you hear that? It was a rat.
Rock: It’s just an old house.
Cat: Old houses don’t make chewing and scampering noises. It’s a rat.
Rock: It’s Sara (lives above us) rocking her baby back to sleep.
Every night it’s the same story, sometimes only once but sometimes as many as three times a night, and if it’s not the rat then it’s a spider.
Cat: Did you feel that? It was a spider on your arm.
Rock: It’s just an itch.
Cat: Spider.
Rock: Arm hair brushing against the sheet.
Cat: Spider.

As if being pregnant isn’t hard enough, I can’t even get a good night’s sleep.

Mind Voyage

Don’t you love it when you have time to just think and your mind goes on a trail and you say to yourself, How did I get here? I love it. This morning when I woke up (for the final time, not the first time when Matt went to work.) I was still in bed and my mind went on a journey, one I will share.
I woke up and thought:
-I hate feeling sick. I wonder if I’ll feel like this the whole 9 months.
-Started thinking about my little raspberry growing and remembered my appointment on Tuesday.
-I don’t want to go to the Gynecologist(confession). Before I go I need to call Jefrilyn(my sister).
-I miss my sister and her cute family. I hate that they moved to Georgia.
-When Matt and I have enough money we’ll go to Georgia to visit, and for him to show me Mission stuff.
-Plane tickets are expensive.
-I heard Planes contribute to Free Radical Damage. We’ll take lots of Antioxidants before we go. People will probably think I’m crazy if I tell them that, but I learned about it at school.
-O2 is oxygen(we breath CO2), when it is just O it is a free radical and wreaks havoc in our body(CO is poisonous). Antioxidants link to these spare O molecules to keep them bound.
-I got the highest score in high school on the Chemistry final. Not a big deal you say, well there were a lot of smarty pants in that class. Made me feel smart.
-I love being told that I’m smart. My dad used to call me his smart cookie.
-I remember the first time I thought, I think I’m smarter than those other kids. I was in Kindergarten at Jim Bridger Elementary. A Room Helper(I think that’s the technical term) took me into a special room to read words on flash cards. I didn’t realize that at that age not all the kids could read. She started out with easy words like Cat and Log. I felt like a cheater because I didn’t sound out the words. I had memorized them. She got to harder words like That, and I felt like a bigger cheater because I memorized the TH and SH and didn’t sound those out either. I passed. We moved like a month later and I started school in Murray(I was in the highest reading group in first grade and got a hard back book, everyone else had soft).
-I only have three memories of Jim Bridger. The one I just told about reading, the halls, and my mean teacher. I’m not sure if she was mean all the time, but I only have one memory of her and she was mean. My desk was closest to the door and my back was to it. Ms. Taylor left the room and told us to be quiet. I was, but there were a lot of other kids talking. She came back in and was angry. She said, Everyone that was talking put your heads on your desk. EVERYONE put their heads down except me. I hadn’t been talking. She walked over and, from behind, shoved my head down. I don’t remember if I cried or not, but I remember wanting to.
My vague memory of the halls is that there were ramps. I hope someone can confirm that. I remember them slanting down then back up again. I was running to find David(my brother) and maybe that was a dream because it isn’t a real stable memory.
-How did I get here? Why am I thinking about this?
-Maybe I should get out of bed.

Al

I found this picture while looking for something else. You might look at it and see five very good looking people. Probably not. You might see four moderately disgusting people that haven’t showered in five days and one horribly revolting man that has literally been living in a van down by the river. This all started two summers ago. Matt, JoNeale, Daniel and I started the week off by driving to Moab. We saw Arches NP which was really cool to see considering it’s a symbol of the state I’ve lived in my whole life, and I had never seen it. That night, in order to save money, we found a playground in the middle of a ball diamond. We grabbed our tarp and slept under the stars, or more rather a tube tunnel-which Daniel slept in. The wood chips/tiny gravel pieces made for comfortable enough bedding. The worst part was the wakeup call by the sprinklers at 5 AM. Needless to say it was an adventure before our real adventure even started.
That morning we drove up to our drop off site with a man, large in stature- that could have been a pro wrestler, but had a passion for upholstery. We started our river trip with high spirits. That day was long and hot.
I was in charge of the map. It was my job to make sure we went far enough each day and didn’t pass our pickup spot. Written on the map in small letters was the word Allen next to where we would end our journey.

It was fun to be on the river, but we would stop whenever we felt like it to hike, eat, sleep, etc. Most of the time was spent rowing or swimming beside the boat. We saw an abandoned house, caves, a “post office” (just a bunch of rocks in a pile), and great rocks to jump into the river from.
The weather was mostly good, but one night the boys left their rain flap off and they woke up with dirt caked all over them! Our last night it rained liked crazy as we were trying to find a good place to pull over and sleep. So many memories. As you can imagine, we were pretty dirty and stanky after 5 days on that river.
Our last day we only had a couple of miles left on the trip so we took our time. We were the first ones to the dock and we unload our canoes. We sat for a while waiting for someone to come and help us. We waited for this so-called Allen to contact us.
Sure enough a river troll lurking in the trees emerged. He went around talking to all the groups that had finally made it. When it was our turn, he introduced himself as Al, and continued to tell us how he lived in this old trailer (pretty much just a van with a sink), and how he’d been doing research. I looked him up and down and thought what kind of research? How to make a shirt out of beard hair?
I can’t remember what he said, but something about plants. I do remember thinking- they already had a breakthrough with that- 20 years ago! I asked him how he did research and if he had the internet? He told me that there was no way to get service but that he had an encyclopedia. One encyclopedia. Probably from the 70s.
The reason I don’t remember that little bit is because I saved all the room in my memory for what happened next. He told us that he had a breakthrough. He said that Christ was just a man. He said that anytime in the New Testament when it mentioned dead it meant dead tired (he informed me that that is where that expression came from), so when it said dead it meant asleep. He told me that Jesus was a carpenter and what did he mainly make? This man knew, I don’t know how? It must have been through revelation that only this troll was allowed to know, but he told me that Christ made the first bed. They only had bed rolls before that.
He went on to say that the reason people were sick and had infirmities was from the ground. They had back problems and diseases from the earth. He claimed that the reason people followed him was so he would make them a bed and the reason people were healed was because he “raised” them from the dead-his interpretation: raised them off the ground while they were sleeping.
I must admit it must have taken him a while to come up with this idea. What I don’t understand is why he didn’t ever read the New Testament. His idea was only from the stories he had heard because he obviously never read it.
I wonder how Christ healed those blind men with his amazing bed making skills. I wonder why the other carpenters did jump on this very complex idea of a bed frame.
I think it’s funny that people will do all they can to humanize Christ’s divinity.
Very often I think back on Al and sometimes I feel bad for him and sometimes I can’t help but laugh. I mean just look at him!

Honeymoon!

Matt and I drove to California the day after we got married. Road Trip! We got on our ship right after Church!

Our first stop was Cabo San Lucas.

It was so much fun. We went snorkeling, jumped off a 30 ft rock into the water (I dove in the second time. Bad idea. I landed on my back! So embarrassing and it hurt!), found a cave, and went parasailing!

The water was warm, the fish were beautiful, the coral was sharp (I hit my heel on some and had a large wound that didn’t heal for weeks and is still tender 2 months later!), and the sand was flesh burningly hot.
One of our favorite stops.

Our second stop was Mazatlan.

We were so badly burnt from the day before in Cabo that this stop was actually miserable. We took an air conditioned tour of the city. It was cool, but we had heat exhaustion so we couldn’t fully appreciate this city. The guide dropped us off at a Cathedral (with a Star of David on it because the Jews funded the building because the Mexican Catholics couldn’t afford it.) and we sat in the smoldering, humid church for about 5 minutes, briskly walked around the grounds, and went in the mall where it was air conditioned to find somewhere to sit.

We found our guide watching the America vs. Mexico Soccer game. We sat with him and 35 other Mexicans, as you can guess we were the only ones cheering for America. It was scary when we scored first. I cheered and then looked around at all the angry faces glaring me down. Oops.
Not our favorite stop.

Our last stop was Puerto Vallarta!

This was so much fun! First we drove up to this cute little ranch in the Sierra Madres.
They gave us breakfast, and then we went on a horseback ride up to a waterfall!
We crossed these old, rickety bridges that I thought might break and we would fall to our doom. Luckily we made it.After we rode our horses back to the ranch we went on the zip lines! 14 different platforms, some longer than others, some higher than others, some over water, some over rocks, and some through trees. We were with a man and his two kids. We had to watch the kids because our guide didn’t speak Spanish and the man threw up after like 5 of them. What a wimp.

After that we had lunch! So good! They served everyone fajitas, but only Matt and I got Chili Rellanos also! It was so cool. Now I’m hungry. I think I’ll make fajitas for dinner. Anyway, after lunch they put on some show where they served free tequila (heck yes! Oh wait, we didn’t drink that) and had a dancing horse.

Yes, I put it on here so everyone can enjoy.

If you actually watched that you’re a fool.

That was so much fun and our other favorite stop.

So, we thought all the fun was over now that we were off our boat. We were wrong. On our way home we stopped at Morrie and Michelle’s in Vegas for the night. They talked us into staying another night (not too hard) and we went to ….
Hoover DAM!! I had never been there so it was cool.

Well, we eventually made it back to our little apartment to start the boring lives that we now live.